Dear Birth Mom,
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to tell you about us. We hope this letter gives you an idea of what it would be like for your child to grow up in our family. Our names are Steve and Allison. We think you are a very brave and kind person, and your decision to share your child with a deserving family is the most selfless act in which you will ever be involved. We deeply appreciate your considering us as parents for your precious child.
We are happy, upbeat people. We share a love for each other and for life that many people can only dream about; we are very fortunate. We both enjoy being around other people, being outdoors, traveling, and experiencing new things. We live close to a major Midwestern city in a four-bedroom house with our three-year-old son, Owen; our Saint Bernard, Colorado; and two cats Daffy and Bugs. Our home is warm and inviting. Each room is painted a different color, and the walls are filled with art work and photographs. Our house is located down the street from the church that we attend, and the parochial school where we plan to send our children. There are many families and children in our area; the neighborhood is filled with children riding their bicycles, parents out with strollers, and dogs being walked.
We met ten years ago. On our first date we went to an Elton John concert. We had mutual friends who thought we would make a good couple and set us up on a blind date. We had a perfect first date. We spent hours talking, dancing, and laughing. We both knew that it would lead to a lasting relationship and were engaged to be married within a year. We married eight years ago in a private ceremony with our family and friends on the beach in the Caribbean. We are still very much in love. Naturally we have our ups and downs and there are days when we spend time apart. Over the years we have supported each other through some sad times – the death of family members, and the emotional and physical toll of infertility. We find peace in knowing that we are both committed to our marriage, and we can be ourselves with each other without worrying that someone will walk away. Even though we have shared some tough times, we are blessed to lead such happy, fulfilling lives. We genuinely like each other and have fun when we are together.
We both come from large families with a combined total of nine brothers and sisters and 27 nephews and nieces. We are very close to all of our siblings, and while most of them live in other states, we are in contact regularly and travel to be with each other often. Because we both grew up with so many family members and love our families deeply, we had hoped to have a large family ourselves. Soon after we were married, we struggled to get pregnant and began infertility treatments. After years of treatments, our son, Owen, was born! Given the difficulties conceiving Owen, when we made the decision to have more children, adoption was a natural choice for us because adoption has always been an important part of our extended family. One of Allison’s sisters chose adoption for her first child when she was a teenager, and one of Steve’s brothers has three adopted children. We plan to help our children have a positive understanding about adoption and the profound love and commitment a birth mother demonstrates when she makes an adoption plan for her child. We are eager to have another child in our home and look forward to the day when our next child arrives.
A few years ago while Allison’s mom and dad were visiting, they both became very ill and were unable to return to their home. We cared for her parents in our house, but because their needs were great, we needed help. Allison has three sisters and one brother living in different areas of the country. Each came for a week at a time to help care for their parents until they were well enough to return to their own home in Florida. It wasn’t until we experienced this true pulling together of Allison’s family that we realized the huge impact brothers and sisters can have on each other, especially in a time of need. We want Owen and the baby we adopt to have the benefit of having a sibling to love and depend on throughout their lives.
About Steve (by Allison)
I was initially drawn to Steve’s easy manner and humbleness, which are qualities he still has today. Many people take care of their own needs before the needs of others. Steve is different; he selflessly helps others before helping himself. Steve will offer to babysit several kids at one time so that the mothers can have some time to catch a movie, go shopping, or have lunch together. I have also seen him make time in the morning before work on several occasions to go to our friend’s son’s school to attend “donuts for dads” because the boy doesn’t have a father to go with him.
Three weeks after Steve and I met, we went on a trip to Lake Michigan to meet his family. I was touched by how excited Steve’s nieces and nephews were to see him. I can remember watching Steve, the only adult in the swimming pool, tossing his nine nieces and nephews around while they climbed all over him, splashing and screaming in delight. I knew then that Steve had a special way of connecting with children and was going to be a great father. I see just how wonderful a father he is every day with Owen, especially at night when he is engrossed in a game of hide and seek or pretending to be a big bear because Owen squeals with delight when the bear chases him around the house. Steve makes life fun and uncomplicated for his family. Your child will love Steve and feel safe in his arms, as well.
Steve is very into sports. Growing up in our house means that our children will be exposed to several areas of the sporting world. We enjoy playing golf, tennis, running, baseball, and many other sports. Steve has spent most of his life playing soccer and coaching youth travel teams. He stopped coaching a few years ago to devote more time to his family, but still plays in local indoor and outdoor soccer leagues. Steve likes to go to college and professional basketball and football games, and, when he can’t get to a game, you can find him watching it on television. At three, Owen has started to enjoy spending time with Steve playing sports and watching games with his dad. Whether your child is into sports or not, Steve will be an enthusiastic participant in his or her activities.
About Allison (by Steve)
Allison is the type of person who enjoys taking care of other people. She is a highly motivated and caring person. Every year she invites a large group of people to our home for Thanksgiving. Over the years, the guest list has included family, friends who don’t have family locally, friends from other countries who don’t typically celebrate Thanksgiving, and Owen’s toddler friends and their families. She spends days preparing the feast, setting the table, and decorating the house in anticipation of the day-long celebration. Last year we had over 25 guests, ten of whom were children under the age of 14. Allison is also very creative. She enjoys craft projects with Owen, painting furniture, designing the interior of the house and collecting art. And she even had me hang chicken wire on an entire wall in our house so she could display Owen’s art work. Allison is skilled at taking an old piece of furniture and giving it new life – several of her finished pieces are placed throughout our home. She also contributes some of her work to charitable fundraising events and creates gifts for friends.
The thing that impresses me most about Allison is her ability to relate to and understand our son. She easily identifies what is best for Owen in any situation and to help Owen understand why the decisions make sense. It doesn’t matter if Owen wants to dance on a glass-top table, eat cupcakes at every meal, run into the street, pull the cat’s tail, or go to the zoo at midnight - Allison has a way of soothing him while telling him why he can’t do these things. I usually hear him say, “Okay mommy” and go happily about doing something else. I originally thought we were lucky to have a child who rarely throws a fit and is not prone to excessive crying. I still think luck has something to do with it, but I know that Allison has had a large part in shaping Owen’s behavior, too. In addition to being very intuitive, Allison is very loving. Every day she curls up with Owen and reads book after book to him. Now that Owen can talk, he often reads to her. They spend hours coloring and putting puzzles together, too. I have loved Allison since I met her, but it wasn’t until we became parents that I saw another side to her that makes me love her even more. With Owen now becoming more independent, Allison will have plenty of time to devote to your child. We both believe that it is important for kids to have one-on-one time with each of their parents.
A Day in Our Lives
We share equally in all aspects of being parents, from playing games and changing diapers to discipline and doctor’s visits. Allison does most of the cooking, but Steve steps in when needed. We both clean, do yard work, and share in meeting Owen’s needs. Parenthood is truly the best experience we have ever had. Having a child is like waking up on Christmas morning: as soon as we wake up, our first thoughts are of Owen, and we get excited about what the day will bring. It is hard not to run into his room and wake him up just to hear what he has to say. We can’t wait to have another child to love.
As a family, our free time revolves around fun and learning for young children. Our new child will fit right in as we play kickball with our friends and their families in the park, go to outdoor concerts and festivals, visit the zoo, have cook-outs with neighbors, spend New Year’s Eve in a house full of friends and kids, attend as many fireworks displays as we can find in early July, go skiing in Colorado in the winter, and travel to the beach in Florida in the spring. We look forward to sharing these times with another child. Owen is excited to share his life with a brother or sister, too; in fact since we introduced him to adoption, he talks about his “little brother” and “little sister” often.
Our lives changed when we went from a couple with no children to having a child. We now spend our days working, and our nights and weekends are filled with family activities. Steve is in sales and has a flexible schedule. He doesn’t visit with clients until late in the morning. This gives him most of the morning to spend with Owen. Owen goes to a private home daycare where he is loved by the three women he considers to be part of his family. The first day we took Owen to Ellen’s Daycare, we thought it would be the saddest day of our lives. But when we got back into the car, we felt an overwhelming sense of trust because we knew that Owen was going to have many fun-filled and safe days ahead surrounded by kids his age who would enable him to learn and grow socially in ways that he might not have at home. During the day, Owen practices his ABCs, colors, and learns about numbers. He gets to take ballet lessons, participate in puppet shows and musical parades, and is visited by a librarian for story time. He plays with his friends all day long. We never thought that our child would have “friends” at such a young age, but the friends he has met at Ellen’s are now the kids he shares play dates with and their parents have become our close friends. Owen interacts with newborns and kids up to four years old every day. He, like us, enjoys other people. It is no surprise that when he is around babies Owen is among the first to go right up to touch and kiss them. Allison works as an attorney and leaves her office in the late afternoon to meet Owen at daycare and set off for playing in the park, visiting friends, or running errands. After everyone gets home in the evening, we have dinner together, play, watch a show, and get ready for bed. Our weekends aren’t nearly as structured, but we are always busy riding bikes, walking, going to the zoo or the children’s museum, or some other activity.
We strongly believe an education is one of the most important things we can provide to our children. We will encourage our children to attend college and to seek advanced degrees. We both attended college, and Allison put herself through law school. We believe that education occurs outside the classroom, as well. We love to travel and will take our children several places as they grow up. Allison was an exchange student in Taiwan while she was in high school, an experience that has taught her compassion for others and how to appreciate other people’s values outside of the United States. Steve spent four years in England as a child, an experience which has also broadened his world outlook. We want to share experiences like these with our children.
Thank you for reading our letter. We hope we have provided a clear picture of the life your child would have with us if you were to choose our family. We are committed to sharing pictures and letters with you at the level you desire and for as long as you wish. If you choose us, we will tell your baby all about you and your reasons for choosing adoption, and we will help him or her understand the honor and courage behind your decision. If you would like more information about us please call Steve or Joel Kirsh at 1-800-333-5555.
Thank you,
